Confessions of a Paranoid Woman

I dream of being *that* person, you know, the person who is comfortable in their own skin, the person who genuinely doesn’t care what other people think of them, the person who accepts themselves just the way they are.

But I am *this* person: I am insecure about pretty much every part of me. It starts as I wake up – in my comforting foetal position, I can feel my little pot belly hang over onto the bed; I’m sure it’s the first thing I am aware of every morning. And it kind of goes from there…

I have bad dark circles under my eyes, I’ve always had them, it’s just the way I am made. You think I would have moved to acceptance at the age of 41, but no, I am paranoid about them; I Continue reading

Rush Hour in Antigua

It’s another busy morning on the veranda; this is rush hour Caribbean style.

The large wooden veranda goes round two sides of the house (or the gallery as the owners like to call it) and is designed to seduce local wildlife: it is Continue reading

Nip and Tweak

For as long as I can remember I have been goal orientated, maybe it started with the lure of those gold stars at school. From focusing on achieving good grades, to aspiring to a good excellent performance rating at work, to setting targets on recovery, I have always been motivated by achieving results. I currently have goals for writing, fitness, health and refurbishment. Every week I plan my diary around what I WILL achieve. For example, my weekly targets are: 15 hours of writing, four circuit training sessions, and one yoga session. I then schedule all my ‘dull’ stuff, such as domestic nonsense (I even have targets for cleaning!) and ‘fun’ around this. And I also like knowing that the Continue reading

The Gratitude Party

Gratitude is the most exquisite form of courtesy.’ Jaques Maritain

Over the last couple of weeks, I have found myself thinking about all the things I haven’t achieved this year: the apartment refurbishment that isn’t quite finished, that I am not the successful writer I aspire to be, the jelly belly that hasn’t reached its optimistic six-pack status. There is something about the end of the year approaching that makes me reflect on where I am at in my life. Maybe it is simply that I am reminded of the precious nature of time and that another year has passed. Or maybe it is all the inevitable articles that are out there on getting ready for success in 2012.

Now don’t get me wrong, I will not be producing a detailed 2011 end of year report on results Vs goals, but I am in a period of reflection. Actually no, it’s not reflection – it’s Continue reading

Six-pack, where are you?

I hope you won’t be disappointed in me, but I have to break the news to you that I haven’t got a six-pack yet. I mean seriously, I drink wine and eat Green and Black’s, I just don’t understand.

I have, however, been sticking to my exercise programme – I promise! My goal is four circuit training style sessions a week (with the scary Jillian Michaels on DVD – they are 30-45 minutes long), and one yoga class. I have generally hit my target every week since I started this new regime in April. This is an achievement for my health and not my motivation – my motivation has been with me every step of the way in the last seven years, but as we all know my health hasn’t always been so reliable. Continue reading