As I skip along my healing path, being present, living in the moment (yes, I have been reading The Power of Now, and yes, I am a healing cliché), I know I shouldn’t have checked, that there was nothing to be gained by knowing. But… well, I have no good reason, I just got curious: it’s been nearly six months since I have been well enough to see any friends or family (well, apart from my husband, obviously, or that would just be weird). And, as I knew would be the case, knowing this has not helped me in any way. But, too late, I know.
I have missed birthday lunches with my girlfriends. I have missed Friday evening drinks and loud laughing – probably too loud for others close by – with friends as we let in the weekend fun. I have missed weekends away. I have missed family celebrations. Continue reading →
Stella Vine. Holy water cannot help you now, a painting of Kate Moss. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
‘Oh, I’m so boring these days…’ seems to be a confession that is shared by many a friend. And although I hate to admit it, I fear I am boring too (I know, you’re struggling to imagine this).
These confessions are invariably volunteered as we reminisce about our wild and crazy youth. (Yes, we are now of an age where we reminisce.) There was a stage in my life in my late twenties when ‘partying’ was an important and regular part of socialising. I was single, and had a group of single friends always up for a good night out – or as we would say, single and ready to mingle!
Saturday night was the big night and involved getting glammed up: high heels, Continue reading →
I dream of being *that* person, you know, the person who is comfortable in their own skin, the person who genuinely doesn’t care what other people think of them, the person who accepts themselves just the way they are.
But I am *this* person: I am insecure about pretty much every part of me. It starts as I wake up – in my comforting foetal position, I can feel my little pot belly hang over onto the bed; I’m sure it’s the first thing I am aware of every morning. And it kind of goes from there…
I have bad dark circles under my eyes, I’ve always had them, it’s just the way I am made. You think I would have moved to acceptance at the age of 41, but no, I am paranoid about them; I Continue reading →
I looked around for a comfy chair, or a bed, or maybe the floor would do. Yes, I could just curl up in the corner by the escalator… No, I can make it upstairs, make it to Mike and then… My head was spinning, I felt sick and anxious; I felt separate to the world around me. I made it upstairs – Mike was trying on some boots. I sat down on one of the stools in the shoe department and hugged my handbag to me like a comfort blanket. It was 11 am, I was meeting a friend at 1 pm to go out for lunch and then to the theatre. Two hours felt like a very long time away. I hugged my bag tighter. Emma rang and I shared that I was having a meltdown in TKMaxx. Her Continue reading →
‘And you can dance. For inspiration. Come on. I’m waiting.’ Madonna
My groove is officially back – I may not be donning lycra (or fashioning a pillow face on Graham Norton) but my world has returned to its vibrant colourful state, and the grey has vanished as mysteriously as it arrived. Continue reading →