Dependence Daze

When I was younger I was fiercely independent, both financially and in spirit; I was as career oriented and ambitious as many of my male peers, if not more so; I didn’t ever harbor childhood fantasies of skipping down the aisle in a big white dress; and the maternal gene clearly got lost on its way to me.

But when I met Mike, I developed this irrational desire to be married. I was 33, still had no maternal feelings, but wanted to create a special, permanent bond with this man. Not because I wanted to be looked after, or provided for (although that is exactly how it has worked Continue reading

Confessions of a Paranoid Woman

I dream of being *that* person, you know, the person who is comfortable in their own skin, the person who genuinely doesn’t care what other people think of them, the person who accepts themselves just the way they are.

But I am *this* person: I am insecure about pretty much every part of me. It starts as I wake up – in my comforting foetal position, I can feel my little pot belly hang over onto the bed; I’m sure it’s the first thing I am aware of every morning. And it kind of goes from there…

I have bad dark circles under my eyes, I’ve always had them, it’s just the way I am made. You think I would have moved to acceptance at the age of 41, but no, I am paranoid about them; I Continue reading

Reality Cheque

When I started my reinvention project, it was done with a delicious sense of freedom. The question was simple: if I could do anything in the world, what would it be? The exercises and coaching I did as part of Chrysalis followed the well-practiced rules of brainstorming: throw all ideas into the mix and don’t censor your thoughts with the how; just let the ideas flow – however crazy they may seem.

And when I decided at 40 that I would like to start again as a writer it felt like a fantasy – a completely ridiculous ‘if I won Continue reading

I love and accept myself…

‘Wow. You don’t have any lines on your forehead’ my best friend observed (much to the delight of my new no fringe hair cut). But what started out as an innocent comment quickly spiralled into a detailed assessment of our faces and bodies.

‘Yeah but my wrinkles round my eyes are really bad’ I replied.

‘I think my eyes have actually started dropping.’

‘I don’t think the dark circles around my eyes are getting any worse as I get older, so that’s something isn’t it?’ I said hopefully. Continue reading