I feel like a different person. It may only be a few weeks ago but she – the sad and unwell shadow of me – already seems like a stranger. If I stop and force my mind, I can take myself to her: I was so exhausted even having a shower was a major effort; I was so stressed that tears were on permanent standby, ready to fall at the smallest upset; I felt desperate, crawling slowly through each day. I did my best to trust that the situation was temporary and that it – the heavy black cloud of CFS – would lift, but when you are feeling this awful you don’t believe you will ever feel normal again.
But I do. And it’s glorious. GLORIOUS.
It may be the physical that takes you down, but somewhere, in the messiness and unpleasantness of being unwell, the mind gets in on the act, and you get stuck – and in my experience it’s the mind that plays a big part of getting you unstuck and out the other side. Continue reading →
London – Columbia Road Flower Market (Photo credit: shootingjaydred)
Sometimes life feels small: day-to-day routines and responsibilities hungrily eat time, days merge together, and by Friday you realise the most exciting thing you have done all week is catch up on last week’s Homeland. And that’s fine, sometimes curling up on the sofa in my PJs, with Husband, a glass of wine, and Brody is exactly what I want, exactly what I need – a lazy distraction at the end of the day. For most of us, life isn’t exciting every day, well, I guess unless you’re a multimillionaire and you have a team of people to shield you from the boring bits. Oh… Imagine. How wonderful. ‘I’m sorry that’s way too dull for me, please pass it on to my people.’ (Although, I’m sure millionaires still watch Homeland.) Continue reading →
As most of you know, Husband recently spent two weeks in Colombia on a volunteering programme. It was such an interesting experience I thought I’d bully ask him to write about it. Please make him feel welcome (although not too welcome, don’t want him being more popular than me – obviously). Over to you Husband, sorry, Mike: Continue reading →
‘Oh honey, that’s amazing, I’m so pleased for you…’
I got off the phone and felt unsettled; unwelcome feelings overwhelmed me, stomping around as if they were wearing heavy boots. I am so pleased for him, and so proud of him, so proud. But… well… well, I’m jealous. There, I said it. What about me? I want something exciting to happen in my life. I want to do something life changing.
And it happens, doesn’t it? Friends or family share good news and we are pleased for them, but… But, it can also shine a bright light over our own unfulfilled wants and Continue reading →