Damn you, Tigger

Stephanie's peace.

Stephanie’s peace. (Photo credit: Natashalatrasha)

Oh, hello, you lovely lot…

So, that damn Tigger is being rather elusive. Despite intensive Green and Black’s therapy, and okay, I admit, some wine therapy too, the bugger is nowhere to be seen, and I appear to be having a pretty serious relapse. (Oh yeah, my recovery plan is totally on track!)

But something weird is going on – I seem to have found a sense of peace with what has happened and, dare I say, a level of acceptance. I know it sounds ridiculous, but even after all these years, I have always struggled to accept the CFS. I’ve always wanted to fight it, scared that acceptance would in some way be giving in. But this time I feel relaxed and calm about everything, acknowledging that my body needs time and space to heal. I am spending my days in a deeply relaxed state, a rather strange place for someone more comfortable with pushing and stressing. (I think the amount of meditation I’m doing is messing with my personality. Who knows where this will end… Oh God, it won’t end at a silent retreat, will it? Please, no.)

I am choosing to see this relapse as a big, smell the CFS, wake up call; a piercing alarm clock at the other side of the room, that I just can’t ignore. I have to accept it’s time to do things differently. I am not giving up on recovery – of course – but I am adopting a different approach. I have a new treatment plan, and I am taking super-duper care of myself (not sure where that came from, but I kinda like it… SUPER-DUPER). And maybe this time I will stop repeating the same mistakes and actually learn the lessons I need to learn. Maybe. Oh, what the hell, let’s head towards optimism: I WILL.

And, most importantly, I do have a rather gorgeous ‘healing’ wardrobe, with a pyjama collection I am quite proud of – one does not need to let oneself go, just because one is resting, darling. So, I may be mostly on the sofa, but I am doing it in style; my inner glamour puss is alive, and, well, lounging.

I hope all is well with you lovely people, and I hope to be well enough to get back to blogging soon (I honestly don’t know how the blogging world is coping without me, but I guess life goes on). And thank you for all the sweet messages over the last few months, it always means a lot when someone takes the time to ask after me. Sorry I haven’t replied, it’s not because I don’t love you (obviously, you’re all amaaaazing), more a sign of how little gets done round here – it’s taken me nearly two weeks to write this blog post. Yup. Crazy times, people, crazy.

See you soon…


10 thoughts on “Damn you, Tigger

  1. Your wardrobe comments always crack me up! Glad to hear you’re lounging in style. Would love to hear more about your new treatment plant, if and when you want to share. And the mistakes you won’t be repeating any more. 🙂 I learn so much from other people’s journeys. Glad to hear you’re feeling relaxed and calm aswell. If that isn’t healing then I don’t know what is!

    I don’t think accepting the situation means giving up at all. It just means that you’re accepting where you’re at right now! In that state of mind we’re probably all more likely to make better desicions for ourselves and our health, because we’re not frantic and desperate.

    So glad to see a post from you, keep them coming at whatever rate suits you!
    Maria (a Norwegian fan)

    • Hello Maria

      Thank you for the lovely comments – you’re very sweet. So, there aren’t any answers in Norway either?!

      My latest treatment plan is as follows:

      Doctor Myhill reviewed my case several months ago (all the test results from over the years, history of symptoms and so on). I also had a mitochondrial function test – the results were poor, which I guess is no big surprise. Based on all of this, she prescribed a supplement regime. I am introducing supplements very slowly (as I am a sensitive little flower) and working my way through the list. I haven’t really noticed any uplift yet, but expect to once I am on more of the regime.

      I am also working with the Optimum Health Clinic on the psychology side. I have signed up to Secrets to Recovery, which is an online resource, with loads of great information, all in videos or calls. No reading. Perfect! I am also having one-on-one calls with a practitioner.

      This is helping me with areas like: acceptance, relaxation techniques, understanding how to get quality rest, getting into a healing state, understanding the link between the mind and body, how to deal with emotions, how to create space to heal, how to listen to my body, and how to pace appropriately.

      I am using a range of techniques: meditation, hypnosis, visualisation, NLP, EFT, self-coaching.

      I am healing on all levels, Maria!

      I hope this tells you everything you wanted to know (I tried to include everything, as who knows when I’ll be back).

      Lots of healing energy to you.

      The PJ Goddess… Xx

      • Thanks, PJ Goddess! It really seems like you are healing on all levels! 😀 I think it’s important to consider many different factors too, and to kind of go with our guts as to what we need to look into. And to know when our guts are confused so we can get some guidance! For me it can definitely be counterproductive to do too many things at once aswell, so I need to watch that. Also, it might not always be necessary either, as I think that many different practitioners kind of teach the same things, but in different ways. For me, it’s important to realize that, but to also know that there are things I still need help with “getting”, no matter how many times I’ve heard them before. I’m finding a lot of help these days from the concept of the Shadow (Carl Jung), with books like “Why good people do bad things” by Debbie Ford, and the same title (different book) by James Hollis. Really great for learning to embrace all of ourselves (which I believe is very healing). I’m also looking into authors like Hal and Sidra Stone – seems really interesting. Of course, we need different things, so ignore me if it doesn’t resonate with you (or if reading doesn’t agree with you these days, as it seems). Thanks again and best of luck to you!

  2. Was only thinking about you the other day, so pleased that you are having a calm journey through the country we call ‘recovery’, my very best wishes to you x

  3. I’ve been wondering how you are. So sorry to hear you’re in a relapse but good on you for ‘acceptance’. Do let me know how you manage that! I haven’t mastered that one yet.

    Keep posting even if its slow, what you write and how you write is awesome. I have serious writer’s envy.

    Love how, even in PJs, you keep it glam!

    • Hey LouLou

      Well, it’s taken me nine years to reach some level of acceptance, so I’m not sure I’m the best person to learn from!

      As I mentioned above (in my reply to Maria) I am doing some work with the Optimum Health Clinic, and this is where the big psychological shifts have come. I have been listening to all the calls on Secrets to Recovery – which is their online support programme – and there is a lot on acceptance in there. Of course, it’s not the first time I’ve listened to this kind of stuff, but something feels different this time, like I am actually hearing what is being said deep inside of me. Rather than yeah, yeah…

      I am missing writing and I have all these posts in my head, but no energy to write them down. But once the energy starts flowing again, I will be boring you, I mean inspiring you, all the time.

      Oh, and I have serious name envy!

      Take care…


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