Oh, hello, you lovely lot…
So, that damn Tigger is being rather elusive. Despite intensive Green and Black’s therapy, and okay, I admit, some wine therapy too, the bugger is nowhere to be seen, and I appear to be having a pretty serious relapse. (Oh yeah, my recovery plan is totally on track!)
But something weird is going on – I seem to have found a sense of peace with what has happened and, dare I say, a level of acceptance. I know it sounds ridiculous, but even after all these years, I have always struggled to accept the CFS. I’ve always wanted to fight it, scared that acceptance would in some way be giving in. But this time I feel relaxed and calm about everything, acknowledging that my body needs time and space to heal. I am spending my days in a deeply relaxed state, a rather strange place for someone more comfortable with pushing and stressing. (I think the amount of meditation I’m doing is messing with my personality. Who knows where this will end… Oh God, it won’t end at a silent retreat, will it? Please, no.)
I am choosing to see this relapse as a big, smell the CFS, wake up call; a piercing alarm clock at the other side of the room, that I just can’t ignore. I have to accept it’s time to do things differently. I am not giving up on recovery – of course – but I am adopting a different approach. I have a new treatment plan, and I am taking super-duper care of myself (not sure where that came from, but I kinda like it… SUPER-DUPER). And maybe this time I will stop repeating the same mistakes and actually learn the lessons I need to learn. Maybe. Oh, what the hell, let’s head towards optimism: I WILL.
And, most importantly, I do have a rather gorgeous ‘healing’ wardrobe, with a pyjama collection I am quite proud of – one does not need to let oneself go, just because one is resting, darling. So, I may be mostly on the sofa, but I am doing it in style; my inner glamour puss is alive, and, well, lounging.
I hope all is well with you lovely people, and I hope to be well enough to get back to blogging soon (I honestly don’t know how the blogging world is coping without me, but I guess life goes on). And thank you for all the sweet messages over the last few months, it always means a lot when someone takes the time to ask after me. Sorry I haven’t replied, it’s not because I don’t love you (obviously, you’re all amaaaazing), more a sign of how little gets done round here – it’s taken me nearly two weeks to write this blog post. Yup. Crazy times, people, crazy.
See you soon…