My groove is officially back – I may not be donning lycra (or fashioning a pillow face on Graham Norton) but my world has returned to its vibrant colourful state, and the grey has vanished as mysteriously as it arrived.
I am not sure why – maybe it was the ‘showing up’ last week and keeping up with the feel good tactics. Maybe it was the extra care I took of myself (I must confess to some extra affirmations. Yes, the crazy talking out loud to herself woman made a comeback). Maybe it was upping my hypnotherapy, which always seems to sort my head out. Or maybe it was the laughter in my latest best friend
therapy session rendezvous (people were actually staring we were laughing so loudly). Or maybe it was the cuddles with my friend’s baby, and nuzzling into her so I could savour that delicious baby smell. Or maybe it was hanging out with my husband this weekend, shutting ourselves away from the world and relishing our alone time. Or maybe it is simply that the planets have realigned themselves.
If I am honest, I don’t really care! I am just glad to be feeling like me again – the me who is just happy; the me who loves life with ease and fervour.
And as I reflect on the last week or so, I realise I have actually taken away some tasty learning nuggets. (And if I can turn something into a learning opportunity, that seems to make me even happier.) For a start, although mentally I had a rough week and everything felt like an effort, I could still do everything; my body did not break down just because my mind wasn’t in the mood (and this feels like another glorious confirmation of how strong my body is now).
I have also realised that I don’t need to be in the ‘isn’t life amazing’ bubble to validate that I have made a success of my recovery journey; that a bad week is just a bad week; that it is temporary and I can ride it out.
And I am reminded that being surrounded by inspiring people – in real life and virtually – makes such a difference to my life. Having the right people on my side, people who encourage me to carry on moving forward; people who know how to support me without leading me down the tempting self-limiting road; people who have my best interest at heart, quite simply lifts me.
Conversely, I am also learning, to not take on board the comments from people who don’t seem to want the best for me, who seem to want to hold me back. I can be oversensitive (oh alright, I am oversensitive!) and this is such an important lesson for me; to trust my instincts and not be knocked by people who aren’t so supportive.
So I am not sure I will stop aspiring to be in the ‘isn’t life amazing’ bubble, because that feels like something I fundamentally believe, that I want to believe, but I am no longer scared of feeling fed up; I am no longer expecting myself to be in that bubble all the time (just most of the time will do!)
I can trust that if I feel fed up it is temporary, it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate my wonderful life, it just means I am accepting that I am human.
So here’s to being amazing some of the time…and human the rest of the time.