Confessions of a Paranoid Woman

I dream of being *that* person, you know, the person who is comfortable in their own skin, the person who genuinely doesn’t care what other people think of them, the person who accepts themselves just the way they are.

But I am *this* person: I am insecure about pretty much every part of me. It starts as I wake up – in my comforting foetal position, I can feel my little pot belly hang over onto the bed; I’m sure it’s the first thing I am aware of every morning. And it kind of goes from there…

I have bad dark circles under my eyes, I’ve always had them, it’s just the way I am made. You think I would have moved to acceptance at the age of 41, but no, I am paranoid about them; I Continue reading

Laughing in the Rain

I looked around for a comfy chair, or a bed, or maybe the floor would do. Yes, I could just curl up in the corner by the escalator… No, I can make it upstairs, make it to Mike and then… My head was spinning, I felt sick and anxious; I felt separate to the world around me. I made it upstairs – Mike was trying on some boots. I sat down on one of the stools in the shoe department and hugged my handbag to me like a comfort blanket. It was 11 am, I was meeting a friend at 1 pm to go out for lunch and then to the theatre. Two hours felt like a very long time away. I hugged my bag tighter. Emma rang and I shared that I was having a meltdown in TKMaxx. Her Continue reading

Soooo Busy…

Okay, well maybe not that busy but busy enough to be struggling to find time to blog. ‘Take a mini-break’ whispered the sensible part of me, ‘remember you are wise now and know how to live a balanced life’.

Look, busy, busy:

I’m working on a few pieces for other people, which is exciting. And allows me to put big ticks against my writing goals.

And I’m involved in an extremely important project: helping my best friend look gorgeous for her wedding day. This has been so much fun (Bridezilla moments have Continue reading

Into The Groove

‘And you can dance. For inspiration. Come on. I’m waiting.’ Madonna

My groove is officially back – I may not be donning lycra (or fashioning a pillow face on Graham Norton) but my world has returned to its vibrant colourful state, and the grey has vanished as mysteriously as it arrived. Continue reading

Great Expectations

I could not get into my groove last week: I wanted to hide from the world, just stop (and never start again if possible). I was running a permanent fantasy in my head of climbing back under the duvet and staying there until, well until I could be bothered with life again. But I forced myself to ‘show up’ for everything, in an attempt to jump-start my sparkle. I did my usual feel good tactics: exercise, best friend therapy, writing, reading inspirational stories, a lovely weekend with friends and Hubby. I even threw in some Daniel Craig and Green and Black’s for good measure. But none of it was enough to shift the grey mood. (And I definitely don’t suit grey, my mood is normally red or pink or purple.)

As I spoke to other friends, I soon realised I was not alone. Whether it was going back to work, the weather (which was stormy and blustery here) or the post-Christmas sugar Continue reading